Tuesday, October 03, 2006
i think i am such a disappointment.
actually, i'm really not stupid. i'm really not stupid. but the thing is, i know this fact too well that i'm starting to think i'm smart, which I AM NOT, because i am just not stupid.
well you can give me tests and assignments or anything short term and i can do about average for it. but give me exams and i cannot take it, not because i am the nervous type, but because i'm the kind who don't study much and do badly because i've already forgotten what i had learnt or am out of practice.
when i was in primary school, though i wasn't one of the most hardworking, i remembered that i was pretty much okay. at least i remembered studying for psle, even though that was because my computer crashed at that time. but at least i remembered studying those little science notes and stuff like that and revising for exams?
so why am i like that now? i'm just growing lazier and lazier by the day and i don't even know what i am doing to my life.
ohwell i think the bad haze yesterday was a premonition that i wasn't going to do very well anyway.
what's making me feel so bad is that i know i have the capabilities to do it, but i can't do it because i am so lazy and irritating. and i can't afford to do that because i need to keep my options open, as somebody said to me.
it's not as if i dislike studying. to be honest, i'm actually quite neutral towards it. but the problem is...
i like other things better. i like wasting my time and playing stupid games and sleeping better. i am horrible.
someone told me the reason why she is able to spend so much of her time studying is because she likes what she is studying. hahaha i wonder when that is going to happen to me. as for now i don't dislike studying but i like doing stupid things much better so i only study for the results.
which is quite sad, if you ask me.
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