i'm positive that you did it, no matter how much i tried to convince myself that you didn't, and i don't know what to say but it sure tells a lot about you.
i won't allow myself to feel guilty ever again, because i can't quit associating negative things and you together now.
so goodbye, i am not nice. but i am not scared because i realized the only person i have to be true to is myself and i no longer have to care about the opinions anyone of you have about me anymore, because it's not even necessary in the first place. because i know i am a very lucky person who have people who stand by me, even if they may just be one or two, it's enough.
and i will try my best to study hard, not only because of eoys, not only because i need to, but because i want to. i admit i dislike studying, but it's gonna take up quite a part of my life, so i will make the best out of it. i shall stop getting influenced by my elder sister the lazy pig who doesn't study because i cannot afford to do so, i don't know what i want my life to be like yet (this is not an insult!). and i think i need to rub off some of my mugger characteristics of my eldest sister to survive nanyang and whatever killer stuff that is in store for me.
i am confident that i can do it because i am strong. i have a high threshold for pain now. :)