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Monday, October 17, 2005

i think. things aren't that bad. it's just that. i'm afraid.

okay. after fourteen years of existence on this earth, i believe that i must have done sth that is worthy enough. that may not neccessarily be all that great like building the great wall of china or sth, but at least sth worthy.

how should i say this. it can't be that my fourteen years simply mean a total waste of oxygen. that i have been this totally rubbish person who is better off dead. there must be something more than that. much more. there must be at least something or someone that is a little glad for my existence on this planet.

there must be something that i had done before to make someone's day. something that i might not know, even.

or at least let me believe this. i'm trying to write this down now, to actually remember how i am feeling now. with all these hopes in me. that i'm more than just what it seems.

before tmr comes and i feel totally shitty again. before i forget.

ohwell. i don't even think most of you know what i am talking about. maybe even i don't know what i am talking about.

but i think things are not really that bad for me. at least during this period, i have learnt how to appreciate better. to just look at the little things arnd me. and i think if i strive hard enough, things will get better. better than it was in the past. better than it ever was. yes, it would be hard. but it's possible. because there's no point moping about it and not doing anything about it. because time passes. and as much as i love to slack, i know the basic fact that time is precious.

yeah. these are just some ramblings of mine. and you may be laughing your ass off while reading this right now, as i do sometimes when i read some of my friends' blog. but, i think. i don't really know how i should put it, considering my low standard of english. i think i'm feeling really positive right now, at this very moment. and i don't want to lose it. even though i know i will. but i don't care, cos i want to cherish this very moment. of what i'm feeling. right now.

heaven on earth
10:00 pm