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Tuesday, April 12, 2005

it's so different from the start of the year, so different.

i rmb at the start of the year, i had a whole list of new year's resolution. i was so enthu, i strived to work hard.

even when i thought i got a sucky teacher for jap [who is actually quite okay], i rmb telling myself i should never quit third lang.

i decided that i should be more responsive and enthusiastic during lessons, i shouldn't slack so bad, i should have a positive attitude towards learning.

i told myself to train hard, to fight for the school, and get back what we lost last year.

i wanted myself to be a better friend, and be nicer to the people arnd me.

i wanted to be more confident of myself, to be proud of myself, to be less screwed up.

the start of the year, when i thought i would improve, when i DID improve.

but now, i feel totally different.

i'm losing my enthusiam, i don't make a point to pay attention during lessons.

i feel like just giving up, not only on my third lang, but everything else.

i'm starting to be selfish, to simply think of myself and myself, and i can't be bothered.

i'm losing my concentration, i'm easily distracted, i can't focus.

i'm snapping at ppl alot. a whole lot.

i feel lost.

very lost.

i'm losing faith, losing confidence.

what happened to my new year's resolutions? what happened to me?

looking at my goal setting sheet, i realize i'm not fulfulling any goals of mine.

maybe i'm pathetic.
maybe i'm weird.
maybe i'm selfish.
maybe i'm irritating.
maybe i'm materialistic.
maybe i'm scheming.
maybe i'm fake.
maybe i'm stupid.
maybe i'm just such a bitch.
maybe i have no friends.
maybe i'm not a friend.

or maybe, it's just me.

heaven on earth
7:44 pm